Something Special...

Someone gave me a great gift this year

- A mirror to look at myself 

And as painful and as challenging as its been, I couldn't be more grateful 

This gift of discovering and dealing with myself in new ways opened my eyes and heart 

to the reality I was living in

I didn't realize how messed up things were for me until I spent time and truly analyzed myself 

Although this year probably was one of the most stressful, hurtful, challenging, and faith testing years of my life 

I'm blessed to have made it through and to come to these realizations 

I've had to ask myself and face the questions I've been avoiding and running from for various reasons.

Since I can remember I've never truly loved or trusted anyone entirely.

Living like that is unhealthy and unfair to those who actually do care about me.

And despite my past experiences which have hurt me and in many ways 

made me feel like I wasn't worthy of love. 

I now know I am and I'm opening myself  to loving and being loved. 

I've truly realized how important family and loved ones truly are 

And that no matter what I'm going through I should be grateful because just being alive and able to deal with these trials is a blessing in itself.

Although I was reminded in unfortunate ways how I must work hard not only for myself but for the people I care about

I've accepted the responsibility I have in my friends and family lives

Although it is a large one, I have no doubt that I will be able to handle it 

Religiously I've realized how much I need and want God in my life 

Because even in my struggles I know there's always a way that God will see me through. I'm no longer going to let the struggles of this life burden me. Not to say I won't experience stress but I will handle it in better and positive ways. 

God brings each and every person into our lives for a reason, whether bad experiences or good, they all teach us something about ourselves, if we actually take the time to step outside a situation and learn from them. Every person I've encountered this year has affected me in some way, thank you for being part of my growth and journey as a person. 

Romantic Love will come into my life when it is appropriate and until then I am happy being single and focusing on myself. I am however making a decision to trust in love because if I don't trust in it then I won't recognize it when God brings it into my life.

One day someone will love me for my mind first

Cherish me for my soul, and we will share a physical connection 

Until then, I've decided to not share myself physically with anyone

Until I am in an honest and loving relationship with someone in its entirety 

That level of vulnerability is something that needs to be held sacred to me

Most people don't really know my life story and I'm not going to tell it now.

But I lived through crazy and traumatic events that did effect me in negative ways, and up until this point I've always wished for a different or better life. But looking at my life now I no longer wish that. Because who I am this second wouldn't be the same if my circumstances had been different. My motivations in life and what I'm driven by, all stem from what I've been through and I wouldn't change who I am today for anything. 

Despite the mistakes my parents made I'm now at a state where I've accepted their mistakes

and am letting myself heal. I do love them and know that having a healthy relationship w/ them must come from me accepting and loving them unconditionally. I forgive them for everything and thank them for blessing me with life and the 6 beautiful sisters who have also been like second parents to me. 

My oldest sister, Aresa has always pushed me to work hard in everything I do, and has been an inspiration and confirmation that hard work does pay off, she has also been a comforting shoulder to cry on so many  times and I am blessed to have her in my life. 

Maria, my second oldest sister has also been a beautiful inspiration in my life, always working hard and being there for me when I need her, she's been a great insight in my life on love, work and success, not to mention healthy living and beauty tips :-). 

Chrystal has been one of my best friends/2nd mother in my life. She is a true hard worker and I am constantly inspired by her putting so much into school and work, and still saving time to kick it with her little sister and listening to all the drama in my life and giving me good advice. And still finding time to cook me al those good meals.

Aurora has showed me in so many ways how one can be strong through anything. After all she's been through and continues to go through physically, she still smiles and creates beautiful art. She truly has the heart of a fighter, and she is a constant reminder for me to be strong through whatever is thrown at me in life. 

Katrina and I have been through so much together, we've had our ups and downs and now I think we are closer then we've ever been in each other lives. She has been a support in my life in so many ways, whether taking my call in the middle of the night to comfort me or to texting me something funny that cheers me up  during the day. I know I can tell her anything and she'll be there for me.

Michaela, my little sister, is so smart/grown/talented at times it scares me, but I am so grateful God blessed me with a little sister so that I may give her some of the things my 5 older sisters have given me. I am happy to be a role model in her life, and I know she will go far in life. 

I've realized how important each and everyone of my sisters are in my life and although we grew up in rough times we had each other and with out them I don't know where'd I be.  

This Year is going to be great and for the first time I am letting myself have high expectations of Love, Life, and Success because I know I will not be disappointed. Much Love to Everyone and  Happy New Year!

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