He would call me a Dream Girl and say...

Im dreamin of vanilla skies And a chocolate earth And a caramel girl That doesn’t know her worth That sings when she speaks With perfume in her walk So I stutter when I talk… The memory of her walk pirouettes through my head And the Lolita Lempicka She would wear to bed But when she would sleep It was boy shorts and sheets My hands in her hair Stares and bed creeks Waist small and sleek.. The taste of her lips.. The lace that accents Her Ghirardelli hips But I awoke to grey skies The bricks and the rain And a silence that screamed With all the energy in its veins the cold of the floor met the  thoughts on my shoulders.. it made my thoughts colder and me realize the pain… Truth starts to blur Ironically so cuz “Lol” is now a sentence l.m.a.o…. but its hard to stay awake even harder to think so id rather stay asleep where  my hearts too light to sink where I aint afraid  to hold her hand or her heart just her purse… but even wit this curse im still a amn of my word and a man of my worth a good man on Gods earth and shes the only one so there’s no need to put her 1st we were destined to be like to the casket from birth and id rather be dead to the world in her love like a hearse under vanilla skies on a chocolate earth with a caramel girl That doesn’t know her worth That sings when she speaks With perfume in her walk So I stutter when I talk… Cuz God has named her beauty

Words of Reality: thought I'd share

the grapes of wrath are
in the path of my future
my devious intentions start to
tare threw the sutures
the fruit of my labor
is too bitter to bite
but the sin of the moment is
worth the smite
or at least it seems...
everything that glitters aint gold
but it enticingly gleams
now it tares threw the seams
on a highway to hell,
brimstone and steam...
as i walk threw the valley
of the shadow of death,
i refuse to use the light
and its comfort to my steps
to comfront the comfort
is to comform against..
what is beautiful in nature
but is every days test
my greatest enemy 
is the inner me,
she steels away my will
but he takes away my energy
i cant fight it for too long
her touch gets into me
the flush of her fragrance
her skin and its radiance
the taste of her lips
their flavor and how i savor it
my favorite...
its so good i hate it
every second i crave it
i swoon as she croons
her music is a rapist
its hard to even move
the groove cought me like a basest
so i continue to play
with the patients of my fate
this necromantic dance
of naughty necrophilia
dead in His eyes
so im compassionate about killing her
going against the grain
loving the pain, and the feel of her
so i die 
chasing a high
in a life
of sexy suicide

The way I breathe...

Tears from a lover couldn't replace you 

Never realized how deep you made my wounds

Til I tried to move past you and failed too many times

Looked for that unconditonal to fufill the wrong part of time 

REwrite my childhood and memories, make a place where you cared for me

As many times as you were forgiven 

These wound keep on livin 

Deep, scar tissue remains

Puts doubt in my eyes for those I wanna see true

But I just keep feelin despised 

I was a child, you were a man 

Who never held my hand, walked by me but never stood beside me 

I couldn't cry with you, wouldn't die for you

And called you my father 

Where were you? Next to me, but so far 

I thought a father held his child to the stars

Told her reach as far as you want cause you can make it 

But I never heard those words so I had to fake it 

A child who confused moms and dads with psychotics 

And saw friends and sisters as mentors to my life

Without you I wouldn't be 

But then again without you, I might have been a better me 

Might've smile more, cried a little less

when I think how you caused the family so much stress

Always had me depressed

The feelings I had to suppress

Had to breathe through movement cause you wouldn't let me speak

Found a talent to guide me

Guess I gotta thank you for that 

The pain I endure for the love of my life

Doesn't hurt as much as my first memory 

You remember that day

- I dont think I'll ever forget it,

Life wouldn't be complete without it 

You say it's not your fault, you had a bad childhood

So you couldn't run from repeating 

But I swear on my life 

My kids wont be breathing it 

Feeling the beatings of it

Not trustin men because of it 

Break the cycle make the change

The words I wish you would've utter on my birth day 

What gets me going in the morning

Freedom to Love

As many tears that fell from it- it wasn't love

The many marks that bred from it- it wasn't love 

The pain mentally and physically because of it - it wasn't love 

Unwritten, Unspoken, and Forced consequences don't make it love 

In so many ways we try to find, solve, and remake love the way we believe it should be. We want it when its not there, when we think its there it isn't right, so we try and fight for our love' the way we think it should be. But if we take the time to be vulnerable and it let happen as it should, imagine how beautiful life would be. Of all the heartbreaking I've felt and done. I'm closing my eyes to let love guide me. Its steps may be shaky or may be far. But in the end I'll have reached my destination and love will have found me- not the other way around 

"Love is patience and love is kind" 

Let love be this and only this and when it's not have the strength to walk away. 

Did I mention that...

Time has a funny way of finding me

A way of coming around when I couldn't hate it more 

And leaving when it's all I need 

I've seen it watch me silently and mark the day as though each second was an eternity

And in the most beautiful moments, take my hand and lead me as though it were the end of existence 

Oh time, how you know me so well 

But don't understand me at all 

You've slowed down every fall 

And saved me from the ones I've wanted to take 

The ones where love was at stake 

Shaken up my world like the 89 earthquake

During my creation, why couldn't you pause my sensations, speed past my temptations

And let me delve in the ecstasy of an eternal connection, with another soul's erection 

I've began to think this is why beautiful movements are so precious 

Because in them time becomes reckless

And we act on our urges to feel the things that can only be  limited by time 

But that exist undyingly in our minds 

The Past Tense of Rise: When the tides rose

When the water was too fed up with disappointment

As the wind became filled with bitter enjoyment

The Earth's movement had been inflicted by another

Creatures in the sea swore they'd never succumbed

To Pain, False love, and Agony

This was when its soul took a turn for the worst 

The sky gave up on kissing its face with blue madness

And the sea's reflection was no longer that electric true magic 

Hollow and chaotic waves became tragic 

And this was when the tides rose 

Silence became louder than any word ever spoken 

The clash of clear water and thick wind was love's token 

To lash out on every time its heart had been broken

Tides rose as high as the face of the white clouds

Lover's fell, Lover's killed, and Lover's revealed their intentions proud  

Secrets, Sins, And Obsessions

This was the day the tides rose 

Hey Love

I've already cried for you

I'm ready to die for you

Let me tell lies for you 

Kiss you when it hurts cuz its good for you 

A simplistic job for you  

A complex place for you

In my heart  

I, under your wing  

Care for me 

Fly sky high with me  

And finally when we reach the heavens love, 

Live long beside me

Lust Can't Become Love

Trusting that faith heals all wounds

Like the nourishment of a baby from her mother's womb

Time will heal us

Time will heal us

And time will heal us 

Once a beautiful soul

Now withered and hardened

Is becoming that soft rose again

After giving away so much, now finally, bringing some of it back in

God is nursing my wounds

And I, making mends 

As I approach a confused soul, 

It starts to begin 

You ask me why I'm celibate 

And I answer.

You finally understand.

I can no longer be touched so openly and willingly 

Giving my whole being to you

Creating a space inside of me just for you

With the worries that

This will not lasts,

Walking together wont always be on the same path 

I can't scream for you, knowing one day I wont even talk to you

Make eye contact with you 

Steal a kiss from you 

I cant lock hands with yours holding you as we share unspoken desires knowing 

You don't see me having a child with you

Sharing my life with you 

This body is a blessing and isn't obliged to share

Unless that sharing is with a man who honestly cares

Maybe by me telling you something about myself, this will tell you something about you

See,I desire a man to be my soulmate, to be my lover, share passions without it being a sin

Share my beliefs, learn and love together past days end

But If I have to walk this path alone for years, I will

For It is better to have never loved at all 

then to have thought lust could become love. 

In mind

Keep me in mind even in the worst of times

When darkness has began to rule over love’s sublime

Ponder how I am and if you’ve stepped through my mind

Even when another woman’s love has treated you un-kind

Don’t forget my touch and how I would cling to you in sleep

Remember where’d I’d lye on your body

As I let my deep secrets seap

Out of my mouth and into your mind

Please don’t let me be forgotten with time

I, still think of your laughter

You, still make me smile

I, will not tell a lie

But I was in denial

Of your affect on my soul

I with you, was more than whole

Please remember the feeling

We shared when we kissed

Remember our minds finding eachother in love’s abyss

If you never want to re-kindle the fire

That burned chaud within us

And still warms my entirety past this day

Please just don’t forget us

And…

If you are so lucky to find love in due time

All I ask is that you keep me in mind